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| hello ppl. this is my site, i hold the power BWahHAhHAhAhaa ... hrmmmz.. ok get a grip =P
this is just a place for me to put tribes demos, pics and related jargon. also sometime down the track my muzak, artwork, and general insanity. so have fun browsing whatever is here, but rember i hold the power HAHahaHWhEhehHEheaheeheheeee...
hmmzz that just aint working is it....
- you can contact the insanity riddled admin of this site at afx_v23@seanbaby.com - |
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30-11-2001, o1.o2am
ive had enough. this will be my last post, cos i wont be needing this site anymore. i give up, to much pain. i cant battle on anymore, so i lower my sword and wait for the final blow. im going to be waiting for a while, just sitting here waiting to die, waiting for the end of me and my heart. i have been slowly imploding for a long time, my inner structure is buckled and weak.. iam going to cave, and its going to be ugly. i look at her, and i feel like ending it all because my dream will never be a reality, i guess thats why they call it a dream. my sword is on the ground, my face is grim, i wait quietly for the next chapter in this whirlwind to blow me away. it wont be long now. so i sit and wait, thinking about all the things i shouldnt. it must be nice to have someone to be there for you, anyone to hold and to be close to. i give up, so c'mon world fucking bring on the pain, the hurt... im used to it now. after a year and a half of this shit im gunna explode, only one person can stop it from happening, and its not going to happen.. fuck friends. im tired, so i curl up and wait for the end. goodbye. 09-11-2001, 12.4opm
i woke up crying again this morning. im falling so fast now i cant comprehend even who i am anymore. the force of the wind on my face is contorting me, changing who i am, how i react, and how i think. i try to aim for water, so when i hit ill be stripped clean, out in the middle of nowhere, so no-one can find me. but alas im heading for a city, lots of people are going to witness my deteriation, the dust has punctured every part of me, im only a broken mind now, falling forever. when i hit, im going to go splat, there will be nothing left, no mind, no heart... no me. i need a hug... 03-11-2001, 11.12pm
just hit terminal velocity. everything is speeding past me to fast to comprehend, little dust particles punch holes through me. little things that should not even be thought about, or affect me are, and the result is not good. anyway, it cant get worse, just prepare myself for landing and hope for a hey-stack =)
on the tribe side of things, i have recently quit =S|S=.. sadly but its prolly for the better, i wont try and explain.
ugg i gotta get more orginised, been a while since ive posted updates, pic's or music.. oh well =P 28-10-2001, o2.46pm
the downward slope just went verticle. im falling, dunno how to stop myself.. i need someone to catch me or im going to go splat for sure. its funny how you can be feeling wonderfull one second, the something happens, something small and insignificant, how it can turn your delicate world upside down. someone pull me out of this mess, and this hurt. god this site is getting repeditive.. this is the circle of my life, im great im fine, then BAM! all i want to do is die. what is wrong with me, why am i like this, WTF =( 26-10-2001, o6.14pm
heh, been a while since i have updated =P been feeling wierd for the past few days, not to sure what to do about it either, or what is causing it. been spending time with some new people, well not new just people i haven't seen much before. well a change is as good as a holliday... or so they say =) well despite doing different stuff for the past week, im still at a loss at what to feel about certain stuff, i guess i still hurt deep inside. the last few months have been a bit of a painful revelation, reality it seems sucks big time. i liked it better when i didn't care about my future, well there is no turning back now. i just have to plod on with a broken mind and a band-aid over my heart =) 18-10-2001, 12.o6pm
ugg, meesa sick =( got the flu or some head cold.. feels like my brain is trying to escape outta my nose =\
good news tho, new forum YAYAYYAYA!!!! no more pop ups!! =D thanks for that Hemp, meesa appreciate it =)
before i go just a little thing for all the ppl with exams, good luck ppl, hope yall do well =) 16-10-2001, o2.43pm
well im still homeless, crashing at Swamps atm. thanks dude, despite the shit yousa always been there... thnx =) not doing much, just sittin around doing little things, waiting for time to pass etc =) done a few things on the whorum, tho a new "non-popup" whorum is comming YAYAYA =)
im looking around for some cool demos atm, so ppl keep your eyes peeled =) 09-10-2001, o5.41pm
umm where the hell do i start.. had a TWL scrim against |SpS| lost really badly, hence the demos will never see the light of day =P 15 mins after the match my mom and her wonderfull timing kicked me outta home =\ so i now am homeless. ( thanks for the floor space Swamp =D ) ugg gotta deal with the government now =(
on a slightly brighter note, my site has had a bit of traffic.. hope i dont scare to many ppl =D and it seems someone does give a damn... at least a little anyway =) 04-10-2001, o3.o5pm
the regular readers will know i aint been havin much of a fun time l8ly. no job, no cash, no fun, no trust... etc. its gunna sound bad but, i can put this down to one person, the bringer of misery, and frustration. if your reading this, you should know who you are, mebee you might give a damn now =\ wow updating is really therapudic, this is my place, none shall steal my remaning good vibe here =) i think i might meditate for a bit then, walk on the grass barefoot, self therapy, for those who have no-one left =| 01-10-2001, o4.23pm
well... what can i say. things are working out, slowly. pretty much as i thought with a few major twists. guess that means it aint working out like i thought.. hrmmm =\
anyway, been doing a little fiddiling to the site, few more pix... nuttin much else tho. got a few scrims comming, so there will be lotsa demos... lagg stay back i say *waves finger menacingly* =) 25-09-2001, 11.41pm
blarg, tryin' to keep meesa occupied. few more tracks up, few diff pics to decorate the place... also check the House-of-Spam, kinda desolate place atm.... hrmm. the TWL scrim demos against iT- are there.. i didn't get much of a chance to vent anger and hatred etc. neway, DL'em have a look and a laff at my laggy ass =P 24-09-2001, 11.o4am
listen up kiddies, 'cos i got some words of advice.
no matter how wonderfull it may seem at the time, if your stuck in a one sided love affair get out. the pain of not being loved back is nothing compared to the pain of relisation.
speak your mind, don't let anything that bothers you go unheard, but be weary of whom you tell, for in telling you shall find your true friends.
never trust love, it'll only beat you up and throw you out.. let love come to you, and it will be pure.
never trust anybody with a past relationship with your intrest, at the last moment the boat will turn, leaving you stranded in the foamy wake of everything emotional, and mental... it's a thin line between love and obsession, dont get mixed up with the two at the same time, it will only lead to tragedy. 20-09-2001, o3.o3pm
last day of being 19... wow. and what a fucked up day its been. i now officially cant trust two of my closest friends, hippocritical bastages that they are. so in short im feeling like shite, yeah mebee it'll all blow over, just like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that... sigh ffs. neway, got a TWL scrim against iT tonight, that will give me enought of a distraction to survive, and an opportunity to vent all this hatred that has been brewing for the last 24hours... keep a look out for the demos, its bound to be a good one =) 19-09-2001, o6.11pm
my god im updating at a respectable hour... wow. the forums are finally up.. just click on the link in the house of spam =) leave a dribble of your intelegence for the world to see =) neway blOOple oOp.. 19-09-2001, o1.18am
here i am again, updating..again.. sigh. had a friendly last second scrim with UX|. damn fun, thanks people =) demos are in the usual place, from my usual tardy pov =P
ill take this spot to say happy birthday to Kim for monday, thanks for a great night on sat =)
anywho, enough blabber from me... see yall on the servs =D 12-09-2001, 12.17pm
well what a wierd morning, the WTC, and the pentagon gets attacked... really freaks me out, makes me think how much all my friends mean to me, you know who you are and i LuB jOO all. this has scared me quite alot, ive alwasy joked about stuff like this, not quite so funny when it happens.
war, what is it good for.. absolutly fucking nothing. i hate being human.
blah, more demos, =S|S= vs Tony, friendly scrim.. 10-09-2001, 1o.43pm
been doing odd little things on the site, have a looksie =)forum to come, blah, blah.
im bored, hence this blabber... mooo,mooo, oink, eek there all arouynd us.... oh no =\
*add profound flailing of limbs etc.* 07-09-2001, 2.5oam
-been working on the site a bit, the demo's now work, thanks to all the people who helped in downloading 'em to check if the links are ok, you know who you are =).
added a thingy, check the 'Beaty bits...' thingo to get some cool music.
looking for a few sites to scatter appropriate links around the place, so any ideas e-mail me or find me on the servers =).
there will be some skins comming for =S|S=, god knows when.. prolly when i get off my arse and finish 'em =P. the forum is comming, kinda im just a little busy playing tribes atm. apart from that, no new additions.
ahh, cpu's are good for real life distractions.. ugg ...no i have to resist.. must... be a .. real person... ah screw it =D |
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| this site is my therapy. its my creative outlet, or one of them. these are my thoughts, or some of them.. =P |
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